Smile and Wave.

 

I thought I was on top of the world, I finally found myself and I was happy with it.

Next thing I knew, there was grabbing at my ankles

they were mad, angry.

 

I didn't know why, what did I do?

I'm happy, I'm just being me.

What's wrong with that?

 

 

In a matter of seconds, I was on the ground.

They pulled me down,

threw me on my butt, into another category.

I felt defeated, worthless.

 

I tried to tell them "I don't belong here."

But they wouldn't listen, they never listen. 

 

 

I tried to think of how I could get myself out of this place.

My butt was sore, and I couldn't think of anything, nothing.

 

 

Should I give up?

Or should I fight my way out of this one too?

 

 

I think I'm done.

I keep getting pulled down is it even worth it?

I don't think I'll ever win this battle against society....

 

 

 

Maybe I can be myself from here?

 

Maybe I'll just change.

 

 

 

What could it hurt?

Everyone else seems to be doing it just fine.

 

It's decided then, I'm done.

Just smile through it and everything will be fine.

No one will even know the pain you are holding in.

They don't care anyways.

 

 

Smile and wave.

 

 Smile and wave.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is the story of a girl

I wish the couple on the corner would get a room.

Seems like everyone around me is on their honeymoon.


I'd like to take a pin to a heart shaped balloon.
Everybody's got somebody but me.



I  hear love songs playing on the radio.
People slow dancing everwhere I go.

Well I'm a good slow dancer, but you'd never know
cause everybodys got somebody but me.




Sittin' here lonely at a table for two.
Watchin' lovers bein' lovers in the corner booth.

Seems like even cupid don't know what to do.



Everybodys got somebody but me.....

Get some sleep.

 

 

We are going to die

In the upcoming years,

So why do we have so many fears?

Drowning, noises of pounding.

Fear of the dark

Or the sound of a dogs bark.

What is the meaning,

For all this screaming?

Soon we will be gone,

And we'll look at the picture we've drawn.

What is up with all the white?

It represents our fright.

What is a life worth living?

When all we were doing, was giving,

Giving in to all our fears,

Wasting our precious years.

It IS as bad as you THINK.

Attitude

If you think you can - you're right.
If you think you can't - you're right again.


Nothing in the world can stop a man with the right  mental attitude.
Nothing in the world can help a man with the wrong mental attitude.
Attitude makes ALL the difference.

What goes through my head when I think of love.

Love scares me.
I really want it, but then again I don't.
I wonder if I'll ever find it, what if it doesn't want to be found?

Everyone says love is happiness.
I think cuddling up with a fuzzy blanket is happiness.
It's even better because it can't hurt me.
It can't lie to me, betray me, or leave me.

People always joke about becoming an old cat lady.
I've thought about it a lot, but minus the cats.(seriously though)
It scares me to think I'd be alone forever.
It scares me even more to trust someone.
In order to love, you need to trust.
I honestly don't think I can do that.
Because people are stupid, they don't think before the open their mouths.

Why would I even tell people about my problems anyways?
They don't really care about you.
It may seem like they do.
But we all learned to pretend when we were little.
They said it was imagination, and it was.
Then we grew older and it turned into a whole bunch of bullshit.

Sometimes I think about finding someone I can just marry.
I don't have to fully love them, but then I wont be alone.
But that might be more miserable then being alone.
I don't want to live a lie.
And I could never do that to someone.

I love kids.
I've thought about just adopting a bunch of kids.
But then I'd have to work and that's not fair to them.
Maybe I'll just move to another country and take care of kids.
Africa, India, England, maybe even stay in the U.S.

No matter what, it seems like my plans to fill loves place.
Would just screw everyone else over.

I don't know what love is.
I don't know if I want it, but without it, life just doesn't seem to work.
Maybe if I'm not looking for it, it'll find me.
One can hope.

I don't want to think about this anymore.
I'm in High School, you can only find "like" in High school.
Love doesn't exist in these long halls.
The years people refer to as the "glory years".
So for now....love, love is Pink.

NUMB.

Why? is the only question I can muster up.



Why did she do it?



I know it'll never be answered and yet I still ask.


Ugh why can't this just be a dream, what am I saying? It's a nightmare!! I feel like this is happening all around me. First him, then three in such a short time and now her. I know it's like a mental illness, I know they weren't truely them when they did it. But it still drives me CRAZY, like out of my mind INSANE!!! Why do I hurt my brain by thinking about this. What am I talking about you ask? Suicide. We always think about the person who took their life when things like this happen. What about the person who found them? Have you ever thought about them? I have.

It is my absolute BIGGEST fear to find someone I know or love dead. I cringe just thinking about it. I can't imagine how she feels right now. Finding your brother and then 4 years later your best friend in the same way. I'm not surprised she totally shut down. All those feelings flooding back and new ones joining them. I really don't think I could handle it.

Honestly what is there to be said when something like this happens? I'm sorry? It wasn't your fault. We cried and hugged for what seemed like forever! I then sat on the couch with my best friend for an hour in silence. That has never happened before. We then spent a pretty restless night together.

This experience brought up something that makes me soooo mad. I hate more than anything when people joke about this or talk lightly about it. "Dude I have to write a 3 page paper by tomorrow. I'm going to kill myself!" Really? Your going to kill yourself over a paper? I know this is just an expression that a lot of people have started to use. But so many people have been affect by this, you don't know what feelings it could bring up. If your reading this, next time you find yourself going to say that, please stop yourself. It's very offensive and there are plenty of other things you could say. 

I'm sorry to write about such a sad topic, but I didn't know how else to express what I'm feeling, what I'm going through.

What are you?

"I don't want to rule or conquer anyone
I should like to help everyone if possible, Jew, gentile, black man, white
We all want to help one another, human beings are like that
We all want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery
We don't want to hate and despise one another
In this world there is room for everyone and the earth is rich and can provide for everyone
The way of life can be free and beautiful. But we have lost the way
Greed has poisoned men's souls"
                                             Set the tone- Logic

Well said, well said.

I think we all really want to help everyone, love everyone, and just be happy.
Because we are all human, well I know I am. Are you?

If you're unsure....here are some reasons I KNOW I'm human.

I know I'm human because I have hair,  I have organs, I have a heart, I have a brain( eventhough sometimes it doesn't show).
I am a cluts. I trip up and down the stairs, over myself and sometimes nothing on a daily basis. When was the last time you saw a robot trip over nothing? If you have let me know, I might have to reconsider this Robot thing. I can Laugh till I cry, I can cry when I'm hurt, and I can get over hurt when I love.

I know I'm not a robot because I am EXTREMELY handicapped when it comes to technology and well robots are technology.

I know I'm not an alien because I'm not green and I don't have a finger that glows like E.T.

I know I'm not Mario because nothing exciting ever happens when I eat a mushroom. I just get really grossed out and sometimes gag.....sorry TMI.

I know I'm not a dog because I don't bark and get distracted by squirrels....okay sometimes I do, but that stays between us. Got it?

I know I'm not a Dinosaur, eventhough I can sound like one, because I'm not extinct.

Sometimes I wish I was a Lamb, I mean it's like wearing a snuggy full time! But sadly I'm not.

Well I could go on forever and I'm not going to do that to you.

So the conclusion I've come to? Eventhough I don't alway want to be, I am a human!



P.S. Mr. Nelson, I can pass those "prove your not a robot" typing things and that IS the ultimate test!!

                                                         

This probably wont make ANY sense, but here I go....

 

Ever feel like you don't belong?
Like there's no one tuning in to listen to your song?
What is there even to be written?
Life is like a Kitten.
They are cute and fluffy, but soon everyone who loved them will be gone.
Because they get old, they get fatter
And all you want to do is throw them to the batter.
Life sucks and it's long,
But no matter the trouble it will go on.
So when you find yourself looking at that little kitten,
Sitting in the pitcher's mitten
Remember that song?
It's YOUR song
You were the only one that needed to listen all along.

I know this is a little confusing
Even I don't understand the words I'm using.
Read it or don't,
I really don't care if you wont.




I probably should have just stuck with that quote...

 

YOU are capable of more than just being looked at.