Dying Slowly and Living in the Meantime

My Head is pounding. I'm freezing and I'm sweating at the same time.
I want to curl in a ball, in a corner far away.
Away from everything, away from you, away from Life.
Instead I throw on a sweatshirt and a smile.

I drive the 4 minutes to school and yet I manage to be late everyday.
I go to class the teachers says my name.
Almost in a robotic way I reply "here".
I lied, I'm really not. I'm somewhere esle far, far away.
The place I long to be.

I look around me at all your smiling faces.
I wonder if you are actually happy or if you threw on a smile this morning too.

I wait for the noise that ends the hour and a half of BS I just sat through.
I walk mindlessly down the hall and somehow make it to my next class.
I walk in and realize I'm here.
The next hour and a half? I make it last as long as I can.
This Joyful place is sometimes refered to as Paris.
It somehow manages to turn my brain on, I'm human.
My Pen is my best friend and I get lost in a notebook.

I find myself dreading what comes next.
It's coming to an end, I have to leave.
The noise I loved not to long ago, I now hate.
It means I have to put my face back on.

I try hard to hold on to what I had.
But it doesn't last long.
I start walking down the hall the more people I see,
The more my face goes back on.

This isn't living!
What kind of a life is this?
A pretty crappy one if you ask me.
I'll share some news with you, that might change your life.
It's changing mine.....I think.
That up there? That is my life before I heard this news.

Okay here it is:
I look like I'm fine, so that must mean I am right?
No, no that's not right at all.

This world is SICK, I'm Sick.
Can't you see I'm dying, DYING.
Does that not mean anything to you?
No?
Well.....

Newsflash you're dying too.