Dreams of the undreamable

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Have you ever thought of killing yourself?

 

Not REALLY killing yourself, but killing yourself.

 

Waking up one morning and forgetting everything you've become, everything you have been.

Forgetting yourself and everyone you "use" to know?

 

I have.

 

Just erasing everything. Going to a different class without the "okay" of your counselor. Not showing up for work. Ever again. Maybe changing schools, getting a new phone number.  Without warning, not telling anyone, just gone. Would it be as if you were dead? Would you be considered missing and never found? Would you be "that girl" that everyone gave up on?  Would anyone even notice and if they did, would they care?

 

Sometimes I wonder if people even notice me, see me. Am I just that one girl, in that one class?

 

I don't know. What is graduating High School if you don't even exist? Not being asked to you senior prom would matter a whole lot less if you didn't even go there anymore. The things that "mean" so much, would be nothing, absolutely nothing. Without people who seem to care, you wouldn't either. You could disappear for a day without anyone questioning where you had been, because you'd already be gone. You could read that book because you now don't owe your time to anyone else, but yourself.

 

Oh how I dream about disappearing...

 

If only.

 

 

 

If only.